God Knows when...

I am so so worried abt my impending results.. i've never been so afraid b4 ... ever since i clicked "submit" in a shady Hanoi motel last hols, i realised tat ECE aint easy no more... i could breeze thru the 1st yr w/o much effort spent on studying n still achieve moderate results but now, and after last sem.. i realised i m at the bottom of ECE cohort.. empty promises to pull up my cap haf yet again gone unfulfilled.. i realised my scholarship is in realli in jeopardy.. i m so so scared it will go away... i really disappointed myself, my expectations.. i need to do smth abt my underachieving life.. maybe i shdnt go finland after all... i realised how dpt i m on my parents after they went China for a wk.. i dun think i can acclimatise to indpt living for 5 freaking long mths! how m i gg to survive.. the thots of loneliness, depression n sianzness keep haunting me... it is a path of no return n a costly path, might i add... but then again the experience is what counts.. or is worth it.. the nvr-ending dilemma yet again.. Why can't 1st June faster come n relieve me of my torment of waiting n waiting... sigh n so many other stuff bothering..

Finally completed Da Vinci Code after a Yr of purchase..yup the controversial book which a controversial plot and even my THIS book has a colorful history after being lent ard.. anyway, I m still incredulous abt the postulations made.. it seems so so absurd.. Imagine finding out u haf been deceived after believing something ur whole life.. the Question of Faith.. An unfathomable concept which can drive n motivate pple.. however i still find angel n demons better.. this bk however definitely churns up more controversies wif its unique protrayal of Mary Magdalene.. Was the truth really thwarted? Could this be why pple alwayz associate Catholicism wif the worshipping of Mary... God knows..